YES. Looking back but moving forward.

When I went to Thursday night service I had asked God for a sign whether i share my personal blog with PVUMC.  The Willing Hearts were leading worship and Gail wanted to share something before we sang, “Through It All.  After a few months of medical scares, just before walking in, her doctor called to say, no cancer.  She was overcome with His goodness.  As we sang, “Through it all, through it all, I've learned to trust in Jesus, I've learned to trust in God.  Through it all, through it all, I've learned to depend upon His Word.”  I  had my sign!  

As I went upstairs one last time I got chills!  The upstairs was empty and I thought back to nine years ago when I walked up here for the first time.  Moving day was yesterday, today is our last day at this house and nine years ago today I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I had just finished my chemo and surgery and was starting radiation.  Living on the water, we had a lot of upkeep, lots of stairs and a huge yard. It had been a dream of mine to live there since I was a little girl but it was time to break camp and have a more simple life.  I had been thanking God for the perfect house at the perfect time.  Mike and I  wanted a new house but the market was down and no one was building.  When our house sold, Mike suggested that I ride around and look the week before my six hour surgery.  I found this house in a ten year old neighborhood with tiny yards and it had actually been a relative's land years before.  The house I liked had been built by a builder friend, who had custom built another home for us.  The realtor told me that this house had been taken off of the market three months ago.  I talked to the builder that night and he said it was not off of the market - it must have been a computer glitch. It was God!   Jeremiah 32:27, "I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?"

My doctors had been very honest and we did not know if I would get to spend time in this house.  Mike and I talked about the fact that he might live in this house alone.  Moving into a new place, picking out floors, carpet and paint was a good distraction.  I had thought a lot about my eternal future.  I knew where I was going and I would be ok but I was fighting for my family.  They had lost two grandparents already that year and another diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma.  I had not been given a lot of hope by my doctors and five years would be a miracle!  Chills again!  Eight years have flown by in this house and I feel wonderful!  Tears.  Tears of relief, joy and remembering the pain.  Tears that God and I spent so much time together every day then - life didn't get in the way then.  Tears of gratefulness for health, tears for each day, knowing every day is a gift and the hard times that made me grow.  Tears especially for me moving closer to God every day during and because of that time!  Now each tear represents pure joy -the all knowing that God’s in control!

I have had survivor's guilt as I lost my cousin to breast cancer on this date a few years ago.  I lost another good friend at church to breast cancer a few years ago.  We each had two girls, about the same age, so we talked about it and cried together.  Medically, if someone would not make it, it should have been me.  The same with another group I was in at the hospital.  Why?  I do not know.  I have let that go knowing that I will never understand on this earth.  Isaiah 55:8-9, "'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord.  'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.'" I am moving forward as I accept this gift of life and I thank God for those women who went before me and for the life they graced us with.  Philippians 1:3, "I thank my God every time I remember you."

Life goes on and God gives it abundantly. John 10:10, "I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." Thank You, God, for this time and for giving me this passion and the privilege to be in ministry with You! 1 Chronicles 16:8, "Oh, give thanks to the Lord! Call upon His name; Make known His deeds among the peoples!" As I walk out the door, I thank God for the love, laughter, memories and faith of that season. Thankful to look back on all the blessings and thankful to be moving forward! He goes with Mike and I as we move into a season of open doors - whether a home or a ministry. Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” He was faithful, through it all!